Waluigi isn't in Smash Ultimate, and the World is Ending, Apparently

So at E3 earlier this week, Nintendo showed off Super Smash Brothers Ultimate, a game that combines the long and proud history of the Super Smash series into a single almost-remake. It has every single stage and every single character, ready to fight for your amusement. Even long-requested fan favorites like Daisy and Ridley, the space dragon from the Metroid series. It should be every Smash fan’s dream, save for one problem: they take issue with the tagline, “Everyone is here,” because Wailuigi, everyone’s favorite villain and anti-Luigi, is not a playable character in the game; he is merely an assist trophy, as he was in the past few games.

But it’s not only the fans who are upset, no sir… although it’s hard to tell where the sarcasm ends and the ‘sincere’ Waluigi love begins. As it turns out, countless journalists and websites around the world have also jumped on board the Wailuigi train, taking turns talking about how unjust Nintendo is being in their treatment of Waluigi.

Let’s see: Kotaku claims that Nintendo is being cruel to Waluigi and points out that they have a long history of poking fun of our favorite purple-suited man-spider. Polygon laments the lack of Waluigi in Smash, as does Vice, who reports upon Waluigi fans as if they're a force of nature. The Thrillest points out how Nintendo has continued to make fun of Waluigi in the wake of the 'controversy,' and Junkie says that fans are having a big ol' "WAAAAAAAAA" over the news. The Mary Sue, the famous feminist gaming website, has declared Waluigi the "king" of E3 2018. To get a grip on how crazy this is, even the goddamn Washington Post - an actual website for actual adults - says Waluigi was "robbed and humiliated" at E3.

The only website to get it right is Geek.com, who correctly points out that Waluigi is ruining the internet.

Seriously, guys, first you complain about Ridley, and now, freaking Waluigi? You realize this is why Nintendo doesn't ever pay attention to its fans, right?

...Granted, I'm also not saying you're wrong, as Waluigi is a beautiful creature who deserves love, but seriously... calm down. Ya'll embarrassing yourselves.