There's a Mother F***ing G****mn Fruit Ninja Movie, Too

You think things couldn’t get any worse. You think you’ve seen it all. You think you’ve hit rock bottom. And, suddenly, someone throws you a shovel, points a gun to your head, and mutters “Keep. Digging.”

That’s how I feel, hyperbolically speaking, bringing you this news. If you thought news of a Tetris movie trilogy was bad, then ready yourselves: The Hollywood Reporter has announced that Vinson Films, the people behind Red Dawn, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, and What’s Your Number, is officially partnering up with developer Halfbrick studio to write and film a Fruit Ninja movie.

A Fruit Ninja movie.

The one where you cut fruit.

While they haven’t given any details about the movie, they did say it would be a live-action family comedy, so… yeah. Now, let me just say, while this is really just the most bleh news I can imagine, at least I can kind of picture how Fruit Ninja could be turned into a family comedy. I mean, sure, it’s going to be a massive long shot, but I can understand it. More than I can understand what form a Tetris movie might take. At least fruit exist and people actually do cut them from time to time, so… it has that going for it.

Otherwise… yeah. Feel free to hate on Hollywood, folks. I’m not about to stop you.