The Sonic the Hedgehog Movie Poster Ruins Sonic Forever

We’ve known for… a while, at least, that some people in Hollywood were working on a Sonic the Hedgehog movie, and it was going to be some mix of live-action and CGI. We were never told that much, although people were generally optimistic about it, especially as big names started signing up on the project and we saw Sonic guest star in other movies and raise our expectations about what a cinematic Sonic experience could actually be like.

But then again, this is a Sonic project. And it was foolish, in retrospect, to get our hopes up about anything related to Sonic.

And now the internet is blowing up because the first poster for Sonic the Hedgehog has been revealed to the public and it’s literally nightmare fuel.

Look at it.

LOOK AT IT.

It’s like Sonic Unleashed except instead of morphing into a “Werehog” he morphs into a furry human. You can literally see the shadow of his pupil popping out of his eye. It suddenly makes sense he wears gloves all the time because those hands look freaky and uncomfortable. And he has furry thighs, guys. Furry. Thighs.

And if you thought this was some kind of joke, dash those hopes right now: because Executive producer Tim Miller has gone online to actually defend this monstrosity.

"It would be weird and it would feel like he was running around nude if he was some sort of otter-like thing. It was always, for us, fur, and we never considered anything different… It’s part of what integrates him into the real world and makes him a real creature."

No one wanted that, though. Literally, no one wants to see a “real” Sonic the Hedgehog. But they’re committed to it, apparently, even going so far as to give him more ‘realistic’ eyes.

"I don’t think Sega was entirely happy with the eye decision, but these sorts of things you go, 'It’s going to look weird if we don’t do this.' But everything is a discussion, and that’s kind of the goal, which is to only change what’s necessary and stay true to the rest of it… He’s not going to feel like a Pixar character would because I don’t think that’s the right aesthetic to make it feel like part of our world."

You know, at first I was 100 percent sure I was going to go see this movie because even if it was bad it could at least be stupid fun, but now? I’m not even sure I want to see a trailer. Unless, like, it’s somehow a horror movie and Sonic is the veiled monstrosity hunting a cabin full of terrified, horny kids.

That might actually work with this new design.