It's April 1st!

Happy April 1st, everyone!

Yep, it's the official holiday for pranks, japes, and all kinds of shenanigans--especially for us online personalities, who like to use this opportunity to goof off and make false articles or headlines for a laugh or two... or, in some cases, a distressed, deeply annoyed sign. Last year was a blast, so this year, you'd think I'd have a whole slew of crazy, wacky news to 'report' on, right?

...Nope!

At this point, I think that making any real, sincere attempt to trick people could be dispelled with a quick Google search, rendering it rather null. And making something so patently false it could never be true tends to be more annoying than anything. So, after carefully considering my options, I decided the best thing to do would be to unironically address the holiday and hope that the anti-humor of the situation would be enough to at least earn people a smile.

But if you're one of those picky people who demand actual, attempted jokes in their humor, don't worry: I've still got some joke ideas I was tossing around before I opted for the anti-humor route, so, you can give that a look-see if you like.

-ahem-

"Donald Trump to star in next batch of Mortal Kombat X DLC"

See the joke I was going to work here is that Donald Trump would join the roster, and I would say stuff like "He'll brutalize his foes the same way he brutalized the GOP", and "his hair is detachable and can fight independently, like Miss Fortune from Skullgirls", but that struck me as a bit to decisive so I didn't stick to it.

"Konami still sucks"

That's not so much a joke as it is a sad, factual statement, so... nope.

"Abused Nintendo spokesperson fired following controversy surrounding her gender"

So I was thinking, it'd be pretty hilarious if Nintendo, hypothetically, did something horrible--like, indirectly side with the misogynistic gaming minority and punish one of their spokespeople for having the audacity to be born without a Y chromosome--but then I realized, hah, reality beat me too it.

Not as funny as I thought it would be, actually. Let's move on.

"Acclaimed games journalist sued by developer for 10 million following bad reviews"

You know, with metacritic being so popular and the opinions of games journalists being more important than ever before, I figured this seemed like one of those plausible headlines that people would actually believe until they googled it. But then, on a lark, I googled it myself and saw that it is ALSO really happening.

Awkward.

“Man begging for his life is killed by a cop”

Now that doesn’t even have anything to do with games journalism. It's not even a joke. It's just horrible, and it sounds like it actually could really happen, so let's--wait. That also happened? That's horrifying.  Our thoughts and prayers for the victim, seriously. 

I'd better stop before things get out of hand, here. Have a safe April first. And don't stick guns out of windows. Please.