Celebrate Dark Souls 3 with Slashy Souls

So any long-time reader of my work--or any unlucky sod who just started--is likely already aware of the fact that I am something of a Dark Souls fanatic. I love the series in ways that's kind of hard to describe; the paradoxical way it manages to both lack subtlety and yet be so entrenched into the rich details of its own world… I love how much it asks, yet, how much it gives if you can endure the trials it places before you, and for gosh’s sake, I love how fair it is. There is no reason to ever die playing Dark Souls, it's so possible to survive if you just play smart and git gud.

So I got the hype for next April’s Dark Souls 3. And Gamestop, partnered up with Namco Bandai, wants to monetize that hype by way of a mobile title ‘hilariously’ titled “Slashy Souls." Check out the trailer below.



Get it? Because Flappy Bird? It’s funny because it's outdated.

Anyway, just looking at the trailer and I can already tell this particular mash-up completely misses the whole point of Dark Souls: the appeal comes from prodding through a tense, slow, methodically paced world where everything is tough but fair. This is fast paced, lacks any subtlety, and the fact that it doesn’t explain the rules is the opposite of a fair experience.

Still. Its available for free on the Google Play and Android store, so if you want to give it a shot, you can do that. Me, however, I think I'll avoid it for the time being. Not out of any kind of moral outrage, it’s just a damn game, but more because my phone is kind of butts, so trying to play a precise game like slashy souls would likely end in disaster.

Still, I AM morally outraged. Don’t kid yourself.