Nintendo's First Mobile Game is... Miitomo.

Earlier this year, we were introduced to Pokemon Go, the next Pokemon ‘thing’ that looks to bring Pokemon to the real world through smartphones, wrist-mounted computers, and a little bit of VR magic. It looked as if Nintendo’s exploration into the world of mobile gaming was off to a strong start--but then they announced yesterday that they’d be unveiling their first TRUE mobile phone game the next day. And since yesterday’s tomorrow is today, Nintendo has officially shown us… Miitomo.

A mii-focused online chat system.

That’s it.

It’s free to play, and is ideal for people who like the concept of Chat Roulette, but don’t want to deal with random people’s dicks--so instead they can use Miitomo to look at fake dicks drawn on stranger’s Mii’s faces. While absolutely free to use, you can buy upgrades and cosmetics for real cash, making it another step divorced from Skype, where cosmetics are also bought with money but can be applied to your real life avatar, otherwise known as your face.

This Miitomo will be connected via a new social network Nintendo is creating called a Nintendo Account, which connects your smartphone and PC to your Nintendo gaming systems, as well as Twitter and Facebook. Through this network, you’ll get Nintendo News (such as the glorious return of Nintendo Direct presentations), manage your Nintendo friend’s list, store game data, and purchase games. The more stuff you do, the more ‘points’ you earn, which you can cash for swag such as games and merchandise. Additionally, Nintendo is promising having a Nintendo account will allow things like discounts at theaters and theme parks, but the details are scarce in that regard.

So. That’s happening. Not exactly what I thought Nintendo would be into, but… alright, sure. You’re the one with highly-paid businessmen, what does one young journalist know?